you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
