I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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