Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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