I wish life had little blips of pornography
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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