guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
