Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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