it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Come on in and take your pants off
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