Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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