he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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