Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
