we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
