He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
