thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
