im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
