I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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