hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do vagina's smell?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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