I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
