so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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