I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
