I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
