Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Say something about gay babies.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
