I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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