my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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