When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize