It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize