I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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