does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
