Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
