a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
