Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
