Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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