He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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