Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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