Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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