Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
