All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
