Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
