He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
