Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we made out on top of his cat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
