Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
