Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
