Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
