remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
