Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
