I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
