do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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