Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
