it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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