i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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