How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
