Well apparently he's into motor boating.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
