Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
try to milk me bitch
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize