I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
