I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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