it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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