we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize