Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
