Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
