so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i already hear my dad disowning me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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