Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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