bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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