Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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