then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
