Screwed.edu
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
