It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
