Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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