opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
