nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
