My first STD was from a foam party
farters have to be the big spoon...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
