So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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