there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
