ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
