Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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