Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
