I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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