im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize